From theory to practice - changing our communication patterns
Do you feel inspired by communication tips on social media, or resonate with advice in self-help books and blog-posts, but when it comes to your real-life relationships you get stuck in the same patterns?
We don’t change our behaviour through understanding something in theory. We change by building new habits and creating new neural pathways.
How to change unhealthy relationship patterns
We can enjoy ideas, and inspirational quotes, but until we put them into practice they stay in the realm of ideas - in our heads. It’s only when we work with new concepts in an embodied way that we start to get a felt sense of how things can be different in our lives.
I first read Marshall Rosenberg’s book on Nonviolent Communication around 20 years ago. It was one of those rare books that had a profound effect on me, and one that I still remembered clearly years later. But I felt a sense of frustration and powerlessness - I knew about NVC and longed to live this way, but still felt alone and didn’t have access to it in my relationships.
10 years went by before I discovered that there were regular NVC trainings all around the world, when a friend mentioned a workshop that was coming up in our area.
Communication workshops - putting theory into practice
That workshop was life-changing! Within two days I began to understand so much more of the subtleties of NVC - I could see that where I thought I’d been putting it into practice, I was actually still judging others, or trying to use the techniques to get my own way. I’d missed so much about what it really means to connect!
That workshop was also my first experience of working with NVC processes in a safe space, with the guidance of a skilled facilitator. I worked through some issues with my son which I found transformative: when I got home, I immediately noticed I was less triggered by the things he said and more able to be present with him. And I learned several new practices that I could bring home with me, which I then practised regularly until they became fluent and natural.
At the time I was single, and determined not to repeat the kinds of relationship dynamics that I’d experienced in the past. I was resolved to do the inner work needed till I could connect in the healthy, happy way that I’d always believed was possible. Fast-forward a few years, and for six years now I’ve been in my current relationship, which is very much based around this way of being in the world!
This is why I went on the journey, over the course of several years, to becoming a certified NVC trainer, and why I now host workshops myself, with my partner, Aaron.
It’s so fulfilling for me to teach the kinds of skills that I’ve found so meaningful and transformational in my own life.
And this is why I’d recommend attending a face-to-face workshop if you’re tired of the same dynamics showing up again and again in your relationships (with partners, kids, friends, colleagues, anyone), and you’re ready to work on yourself to start seeing real changes in your life.
We'd love to work with you if you want to create deeper, more authentic connections, and/or you want to get better at navigating conflict in healthier ways. Check out our upcoming events
written by Mel White